No more shame (and no more excuses when it comes to consent).
On behalf of all women, the real title of (Wo)Man of the Year goes to Gisèle Pelicot.
In 2024, France — and the world — was shaken by a harrowing and unimaginable trial. Gisèle Pelicot, a 72-year-old woman, courageously (and publicly) took her ex-husband, Dominique, to court for having drugged her with a cocktail of sleeping pills and anti-anxiety medication, enabling dozens of men to rape her while she was unconscious, over a nine-year period (2011–2020). Alongside Dominique, who is now serving a 20-year prison sentence, 50 men were convicted1, receiving sentences ranging from 3 to 15 years. The convicted came from all walks of life: a nurse, a journalist, a prison warden and even a local councillor. They ranged in age from 26 to 74 and were mostly local to Gisèle, from southeastern France. This is the element that shook the public to its core the most: how disturbingly ‘ordinary’ these men seemed — average people leading average lives. Rightfully, many articles have praised Gisèle for her bravery in waiving her right to anonymity, declaring that ‘shame must change sides’. Her refusal to be labelled a victim and her determination to hold perpetrators accountable offer a vital narrative for survivors of sexual abuse, especially as violence against women rises and trust in the justice system falters. In England and Wales, for example, only 11% of violent and sexual offence cases were closed with a suspect caught or charged in the year to June 2024 — half the rate from seven years prior.2
However, as I read through the stories of the convicted men3, I couldn’t ignore two deeply troubling threads that largely failed to be adequately emphasised by the media:
Nearly all of these men claimed they didn’t realise they hadn’t obtained consent, believing Dominique’s approval sufficed.
Many leaned on the excuse of ‘sexual frustration’ clouding their judgment.
Why is it that, in 2024 — and now 2025 — we still have to explain the basics of consent? And why do we continue to entertain the archaic notion that men are somehow owed sex, using it as a justification for the inexcusable and a further means of shaming women?
Before I continue, I want to acknowledge that nearly all of the convicted men’s stories share a troubling backdrop of childhood abuse — physical, mental and/or sexual — as well as experiences in foster care, struggles with drug and alcohol addiction and compulsive behaviours around sex and pornography. While this context is worth highlighting, as it raises critical questions about how societies and governments can better identify red flags and provide support to prevent such deviance and crimes, I hesitate to focus too much on this. Dwelling on these factors risks excusing or mitigating responsibility for such a heinous act. Violence endured in the past can never justify inflicting violence on someone else. Period.
Now, back to consent. Nearly all of the men convicted claimed they didn’t fully understand the concept of consent, believing the ‘strange’ set-up was a sexual game orchestrated by the couple, though some later acknowledged to the court that they should have sought Gisèle’s consent, not just her husband Dominique’s. One of the men, Thierry Postat (61), who admitted to prior swinger-style encounters where only the husband’s consent was sought, even told the court that he has the intention of creating an association to better communicate consent to men, particularly in swinger contexts. Indeed, throughout the testimonies, there seems to be a shared misconception — whether sincere or not — when it comes to consent, and more specifically, rape, amongst these men. For example, another one of them, Jean-Luc La (46) told a psychologist after his arrest that he had believed rape only occurred in overtly violent, street-level attacks. Because he was invited into a family home by the husband and no physical struggle took place, he did not consider his actions rape — a sentiment echoed by many others. In actual fact, according to Rape Crisis England & Wales, 1 in 3 adult rape survivors experience the assault in their own home, and 1 in 2 rapes against women are carried out by a partner or ex-partner.4
With the rise of the #MeToo movement, the issue of consent was brought into the spotlight, giving women of all ages more courage to speak out about their experiences and holding perpetrators accountable. Yet, it also triggered a backlash, with critics mocking explicitly negotiated consent as unromantic and warning of false accusations. This fear sparked a moral panic, with some likening the movement to a ‘witch hunt’ or ‘mass hysteria’, terms historically used to silence women.5 It doesn’t come as a shock, therefore, that the movement would also be cited as a reason for the widening gap between young men and women. Despite such criticisms, the data reveals a different story. According to the Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 1 in 4 women experience sexual assault in their lifetime, yet fewer than 5% report it to law enforcement. Of the cases reported, 1 in 5 is dismissed as ‘unfounded’.6 Similarly, the Office of National Statistics shows that fewer than 1 in 6 victims of rape or penetration report the assault, with embarrassment and mistrust in the police being significant barriers.7 These figures highlight the ongoing challenges women face in securing justice, far from the exaggerated fears of false accusations. Even in Gisèle’s case, the sentences handed down fell short of the prosecutor’s recommendations. According to her daughter Caroline Darian, this leniency sends the wrong message to victims across France.8
Consent itself is straightforward: it requires a clear, verbal agreement from the individual involved. So, why is there so much ambiguity around it? As previously stated, many of the convicted men viewed rape as an act involving physical force and failed to grasp the broader implications of shame, coercion and peer pressure. In reality, obtaining consent is neither complicated nor detrimental to passion. It takes only a moment to ask and ensure the other person feels no pressure to comply. To put it simply, without an explicit ‘yes’, there is no consent. Similarly, rape is not limited to acts of physical violence; it includes any non-consensual, sexual act. While this may seem obvious to most people reading this, the trial has shown us that it’s important to continue stressing this distinction to both our sons and daughters, in order to foster a future where anything less is unequivocally rejected.
In Gisèle’s case, there is also another aspect to take into account: many of the men claimed they believed they had permission because her husband, Dominique, had invited them in. This reflects an enduring, archaic notion of women as property, where decisions about their autonomy are made by male relatives. Historically, this view was legally entrenched; in the UK, women were considered the property of their husbands until the passage of the Married Women’s Property Act of 1882, which finally recognised women as separate legal entities. Despite more than 140 years passing since then, remnants of this mindset persist, as evidenced by the Pelicot trial and ongoing challenges to women’s autonomy, such as the rollback of abortion rights in some parts of the US and Europe.
Another myth exposed during the trial is the outdated notion that men cannot control their sexual urges and that their female partners bear responsibility for satisfying them. As an example, another of the men, Paul Grovogui (31), who had been 23 years old at the time of the rape, admitted that he hadn’t considered consent, focusing instead on ‘having fun’, and apologised in court, telling Gisèle: ‘We are not monsters; we’re men like any others’.9 This reflects a troubling belief that male aggression or misconduct stems from unchecked sexual desires. Jean-Luc La’s wife even apologised to Gisèle and the court, blaming herself for refusing her husband sex while caring for her ill mother, as if this excused his actions. Such thinking perpetuates the falsehood that women are responsible for managing men’s desires, reinforcing harmful dynamics of guilt and self-blame among women.
Shockingly, several of the men’s partners stood by them. For example, Thierry Parisis (54), who has been sentenced to eight years in prison, had separated from his wife a few weeks before he raped Gisèle, but, in December, his ex-wife told the court that the rape was ‘out of character’ and she was considering getting back together with him. It seems incomprehensible that these women would desire to remain with these men after such a horrific crime, but, much like La’s wife, their responses may stem from internalised guilt or societal pressure to cater to male needs, perpetuating the idea that women owe men sex.
A 2018 article in Harper’s Bazaar identified a growing trend among young men during the Trump era of that time (which gives us some horrifying insight into what is to be expected this time around) where they felt they were entitled to sex, as if it were an essential aspect of the American Dream as well as a resource they are owed in order to function in a decent, non-violent fashion.10 This is closely linked to ‘incel (involuntary celibate) subculture’, with its patron saint, mass murderer Elliot Rodger, who had published a 137-page long manifesto in which he described his frustrations at having remained a lifelong virgin (he has inspired at least one other act of misogynist terrorism, which was the 2018 Toronto van attack).11 It also ties in with the idea of ‘redistributed sex’, or the idea that society should be rearranged to accommodate men’s sexual needs just as one would with property and money, promoted by many right wing patriarchs. But, let’s be clear, what that implies is sex slavery, which has already been implemented by ISIS and in Congo’s south Kivu province, for example. In fact, Japanese women who were taken as sex slaves for soldiers after WWII have begun telling their stories to warn women of the dangers of this, reminding us that this happened to them less than a century ago. And, now, with the rise of Christian nationalism (which promotes the subjugation of women) in the US and parts of Europe, it is not hard to see how easily this idea of men being owed sex to ease their inner violence can catch on.
The Pelicot trial underscores a crucial feminist truth: men must take responsibility for their own aggression, and women are not tools to soothe it. Women do not owe men sex or any other form of compliance. It’s essential to confront and dismantle these toxic myths to ensure consent and autonomy are respected.
Gisèle Pelicot was nominated for Time Magazine’s 2024 (Wo)Man of the Year, but the title went instead to Donald Trump. What does this say at a time when definitions of consent and rape remain manipulated, confusion persists and society risks reverting to an era where a woman’s autonomy is overridden by her husband’s authority, and men justify aggression by citing unmet sexual needs? What message does it send when an openly misogynistic man and proven criminal is chosen as a role model over a courageous female rape survivor who, at great personal cost, held her abusers accountable to protect other women?
We must not let the new year erase her story. Gisèle’s bravery deserves recognition, and we should continue to celebrate her as a symbol of resistance against misogyny. Let her name be remembered, her strength honoured and her fight inspire us to push back against the resurgence of patriarchal oppression — because, let’s face it, it’s about to get much worse.
These men were identified in the thousands of videos and photographs of the rapes contained in a hard drive found by police after Dominique Pelicot was caught filming up women’s skirts at his local supermarket. He had recruited over 80 strangers to rape his wife through a Coco chatroom called A son insu (‘Without her knowledge’). French police have now arrested the website’s founder.
‘Most violent or sexual offences went unsolved in crime hotspots in England and Wales last year’, Josh Halliday and Michael Goodier, Jan 2025, https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025/jan/13/most-violent-or-sexual-offences-went-unsolved-in-uk-hotspots-last-year
The Guardian published a few of the men’s stories in December 2024 (all direct quotes relating to these men’s testimonials are taken from this article): ‘Who are the men convicted over rape and assault of Gisèle Pelicot?’, Angelique Chrisafis, Dec 2024, https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/dec/19/who-are-the-men-convicted-over-rape-and-assault-of-gisele-pelicot-
Source: ‘Rape and sexual assault statistics‘, Rape Crisis England & Wales, Jun 2024, https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/statistics-sexual-violence/
As cited in ‘The Backlash to the #MeToo Movement’, Jennifer Robinson, July 2020, Glasgow Women’s Library, https://womenslibrary.org.uk/2020/07/14/the-backlash-to-the-metoo-movement/.
Statistics taken from the following study: ‘Unfounded Sexual Assault: Women’s Experiences of Not Being Believed by the Police’, Jodie Murphy-Oikonen, Karen McQueen, Ainsley Miller, Lori Chambers, Alexa Hiebert, Journal of Interpersonal Violence, Dec 2020, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9136376/#:~:text=One%20in%20four%20women%20will,common%20practice%20amongst%20the%20police.
‘Nature of sexual assault by rape or penetration, England and Wales: year ending March 2020’, Office for National Statistics, https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/natureofsexualassaultbyrapeorpenetrationenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2020#:~:text=to%2059%20years.-,1,Notes%20for:%20Main%20points
As cited in ‘Caroline Darian, daughter of Gisèle Pelicot, speaks: “How can you rebuild when your father is the worst sexual predator in decades?”’, Angelique Chrisafis, The Guardian, Jan 2025, https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/jan/11/caroline-darian-daughter-of-gisele-pelicot-interview. According to Caroline, the shorter sentences mean that the fight needs to continue, which has led her to campaign for other rape victims in France and her decision to write another book on the behind-the-scenes story of the trial.
Direct quotation from ‘Who are the men convicted over rape and assault of Gisèle Pelicot?’, Angelique Chrisafis, The Guardian, Dec 2024, https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/dec/19/who-are-the-men-convicted-over-rape-and-assault-of-gisele-pelicot-
‘Men Don't Have a Right to Sex’, Jennifer Wright, May 2018, https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/politics/a20141263/women-dont-owe-men-sex-incels-response-sexual-redistribution/
‘When a Mass Murderer Has a Cult Following’, David Futrelle, Apr 2018, https://www.thecut.com/2018/04/incel-meaning-rebellion-alex-minassian-elliot-rodger-reddit.html